This Holiday it's Avoidance I'll Bring

Holidays can just absolutely suck. 

I've personally never been a fan of them.  Except, of course, for the ones that are very easy - like Halloween.  Halloween is easy-peasy.  On Halloween, I make my living scaring the crap out of people and just basically acting the way I want to act the other 364 days of the year. 

That's besides the point, I'm digressing, let's get back to the holidays sucking...

Having just finished the latest round of holiday fantastical "magic" with  Thanksgiving, I thought I would humbly appease all of the cynics, sarcastic people, shut-ins, socially challenged and even the not so socially challenged with a little acrimonious pick me up (given what we all endure over the holidays, this is an especially nice gesture from me.  Eh-em, you're welcome.).  Especially since the *magical* "Christmas" experience and the *awesome* New Years holiday are right up on our butts too.

Here's a little ditty I just conjured up.  I hope it brings as much bitter snarky laughter to you as it did to me.  Yes, I have serious problems.

This Holiday it's Avoidance I'll Bring
(Sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things", Sound of Music Soundtrack)

Stuffed roasted turkey and rosemary potatoes
Hot as hell family rooms packed with crazy kiddos
Incorrectly spelled name tags adorned with festive bling
This holiday season it's avoidance I'll bring

Sparkly silver ornaments and sweet cranberry ale
Barely known relatives who's attitudes just friggin' fail
Turtle doves adorning much needed cocktail things
This holiday season it's avoidance I'll bring

Men dressed in their best and Gals matching with flair
If I don't get the hell out of here soon, I'll pass out on the stair
Nightmare Autumn gatherings that roll into Winter shindigs
This holiday season it's avoidance I'll bring

When the patience snaps
When the insults fling
When I'm feeling hopeless
I simply remember my emotional avoidance
And then I don't feel so bad

- A warm and fuzzy holiday song, by Abbie Nourmel