Open houses are for nosey neighbors

Our home is on sale right now, and it's been such a tremendous pain in the tookas to keep it show ready for what seems like an eternity, but really has just been two and a half months.  Sigh.  It's crap-tastically awful trying to keep a house spotless with a toddler and a highly active six year old.  That being said, the pressure to be spit shined clean is even worse when an Open House rolls around.  Literally DAYS of cleaning in advance, in rounds, and by category, is the only way this place can look professionally cleaned (and no, I don't have a housekeeper or cleaning company that helps out).  This is nothing less than a massive three day full body work out.  Actually, I'm really surprised someone HASN'T developed a work out based on the different muscles used in the house cleaning frenzy... (abs, back, gluteus, arms, etc).  Typically I'm ending this hellish paced cleaning psychosis with massive body aches and in serious need of an Epsom salt bath.  I'm stinky, but feel victorious against germs!

Now, here in lies the frustration of the home seller.  After all of the above (read: blood, sweat and tears that go into making a home show ready), you need to leave your home on a nationally recognized holiday for several hours so that people can peruse through your home imagining it can be theirs someday.  You justify all the efforts you have taken to make it sparkle, by telling yourself it may just attract that one perfectly matched buyer and you'll be able to end this cycle of madness soon.  Except, nope, you'd be wrong.  Lo and behold, while you are roaming around in the parking lot of your local mini mall shopping center, pointing out the interesting architectural arch design of McDonalds to your kids again - for the millionth time, it's not potential buyers that are viewing your home.  Instead it is basically every single neighbor who's ever wanted to see inside your home, who hasn't even remotely tried to befriend you but feels now with an Open House that their skulking around in your private sanctuary is condoned... Well, what do you know?  VOILA!  They have a special invitation to snoop around handling your heels and peaking in your dirty laundry... for two hours.  At least thats what I imagine in MY sick little head.  This irks me to no end.  The last open house was 95% neighbors.  WTF?  Seriously.  AND, it just brought the number of neighbors who have seen this place in total to a tally of over seventy.  SEVENTY. NEIGHBORS. HAVE. SEEN. OUR. HOUSE.  I understand it is the nature of the "home sale" beast, but come on!  Who's left?!?!?  It's the whole damn neighborhood!  Even more unfortunate is that in comparison, the total number of actual potential viewers has been about twenty.  Mmm hmmm. Exactly.  Not worth the effort AT ALL.  Not anymore at least.

In summation, we're done with this ridiculous crap.  If the rest of the neighbors want to roam through our house then they'll have to ask to be invited or check the Trulia listings.  Which is hard to imagine that would even happen because they've all come over already.  I'm officially crossing them off my birthday list.  For REAL.