Jaded Kindy Nursery Rhyme by Abbie

(Read to the tune of "Hush Little Baby")

Walking to Kindergarten
It's your last day.
The sky is so bright
And the air freakin' hot today.

Love you so much,
I'll see you at pick up.
Just 'member how fun it'll be
Sleeping in, not having to wake up.

Take home all your drawings,
Say goodbye to friends at school.
Hugs to all the teachers.
There's no more classroom rules!

Excited we wait,
To hear about your day.
As you approach, you exclaim,
"STOP TALKING!" and run away.

Here we go again,
After school 'tude to the max.
I'm so glad that this is over,
Now where's my friggin' Zanax?

I'm sweating profusely,
This heat I can barely fare.
No you can't go to the playground.
Sorry, mommy can't breathe in this air.

In through the door,
You just can't seem to wait...
To tell me how horrible I am
And flourish me with hate.

You're sent to your room
And I am off to cry.
You just don't seem to realize,
My cup has runneth dry.

Don't worry, I'll soon forget,
How you wished for a new ma.
Right around five o'clock,
When I crack open a Corona.

Hellfire, cheekiness,
Attitude & more...
Pour out from every orifice,
Behind your bedroom door.

Repeatedly, I ask myself,
"What karmic sin did I commit,
To be thrown into
This cyclonic blame storm of sh**?".

Breathe, sigh, breathe
And breathe some more.
You emerge with a drawing,
Of cute puppies and smiles galore.

Crap, seriously? I can't effing deal.
This isn't even the first day?
I'm already dreading this transition
And the next thing you'll say.

Ok fine, summer sucks
And this heat is unbearable.
Your rudeness is worse
and flip flopping unfathomable.

Guess I'll just suck it up
To you being six years old.
Note to self: stock beer
And keep Martinis ice cold.

I love being a parent,
The rewards are tenfold.
But on days like this dear,
My cards are ready to fold.

Here's wishing I get through
Yet another summer day.
I'm counting minutes 'till school starts,
And ferociously praying.