Chicken in a can?

OMG, is there...? That can't be... What is THAT?  Is that really...?  I can't believe it!?!  WHAT?!?

Tonight I saw something that made me scream "holy barf-factor batman!" out loud on my couch.  I was watching my favorite gastronomy network when they showed a god awful image on the screen that will continue to haunt me for years to come.  If this network's main goal was to completely destroy any pleasant memories of my mother's "straight from the farm" Sunday chicken dinner - mission accomplished.  I immediately regretted my decision to continue watching.  In my defense though, my body's physical response to this visual repulsiveness was equal parts of gag-reflex and astonished awe blended together.  It was impossible NOT to keep watching.  Visually, this was (hands down) a "roux" of the grotesque and macabre.

As the next few seconds unfolded (before my open-jaw-dropped-mouth-deer-in-headlights look ensued), I soaked in the image of an opaque slime drenched chicken slopping its carcass and "juice" in one hard thump out of a can and into a pan. 


I thought, that CAN'T be real?!?  Wait... is it real? 
'O mighty Google, please will thou answer me this riddle?

So far, no dice.  I still can't find serious information that actually proves this awful thing is real and not just a joke.  Seriously?  This thing looked like Carol Ann reincarnated as a chicken returning from the "other side" and slopped with a healthy portion of poultry ectoplasm. It didn't come out of the wall or the television, but instead a huge honking can. 

Actually, on second thought, this is a lovely idea.  Just GRAND.  What a perfect way for you to really stretch out your store bought chicken.  Forget about home cooking from fresh ingredients.  Pish tosh!  All the kids will be screaming, "I'll have more ectoplasm chicken in a can, please!".  Why do I foresee an appetizer of canned Swedish meatballs pairing perfectly with this? 

I have to stop typing, and take a Tums.  My stomach is about to purge.


  1. I can't stop laughing, and the visual that I have of your face is priceless!!! Love it!

  2. Ha ha! I should've called it ectoplasm chicken.
    That poor defenseless bird had no idea that crossing to the "other side" would be so shameful.