The Plight of The Nail Technician

Although I have been to some places that the nail technicians seem to be making fun of you in a different language, it's understandable considering they have a very challenging job to face every day.  I commend these people and their mission to make us all look prettier.  On second thought, I don't think I really blame them for making fun of the customers... wouldn't you want to have a chuckle at the expense of the stranger in front of you (if they had no idea) while you scrape the dirt out of their crusted nasty toe nail?  I would.  Does that make me less of a human being for admitting that?  Probably, but seriously... you can't buy that level of honesty.  I feel for the individuals who choose this line of work.  More over, the individuals that choose to work on MY fingers. 

Personally I consider myself quite the challenge to nail technicians.  I'm the first to admit that my finger nails are not the easiest to make pretty, look dainty and appear manicured.  This is sadly due to my disgusting habit of biting my fingers.  Not my nails, just my fingers.  While most technicians are faced with a broken nail, a re-polish, or filing and buffing... once in a while there's the challenging customer - ME.  I traipse into the salon (la la la la), whistling, all happy that they are going to magically transform my hands into something akin to Hollywood fingertips.  You see, my fingers constantly look like I have had a rabid badger as my personal nail consultant who's been chewing on them as a snack for a year.  Hang nails everywhere, dry skin from the face products I use, and broken flaky nails matching the broken flaky nail polish.  The broken flaky nail polish is usually the only remaining proof that I have ever received a manicure in the entire span of my lifetime.  This information I of course use when the nail technician is looking at me with that disgusting awe on their face that I can actually walk around with nails like this in public.

"See?", I retort to the look, "...this nail polish is from the last manicure that I received!"
You can imagine what the poor person who brings my sad act over to their nail table thinks as soon as they see my fingers. 

Usually I'm met with, "Oh wow... you shouldn't CHEW your fingers!?!?  That's SO BAD." 
To which I always reply (smiling kindly), "Yes, I know... it's a bad habit I can't seem to stop doing.  I don't expect you to make them look perfect, just better than they do now." 

As I'm typing this, I'm realizing that perhaps it's my advance offer of low expectations that gives the allowance to under perform the task at hand.  Since I've already put it out there that I don't expect miracles, miracles are not even attempted.  Look, my nails at the end of the session look really great.  Certainly I'm not suggesting anything other than that.  It is, however, very difficult to shell out the 50-70 bucks for a Mani-Pedi and one day later the rabid badger look is back.  Only on my fingers though.  Maybe I should start chewing on my toes too to match the rabid animal gnawing look I have going on.  At least I would be symmetrical and appear balanced in my imbalance.  Sadly I fear I am left with the same depressing situation.  Only showing my face at the nail salon twice a year at best, looking all ragged and torn, and chewed by rabid animals as if I had been lost in the forest and only just now emerged to get my nails done. 

Hmmm.... dilemma's, dilemma's.