Today is the best, the greatest, the mother of all days. I fit into my pre-baby jeans this morning. The sun is shining like a big ball of gas extending beyond the stratosphere. The weather is cool, crisp, and filled with an air of promise. People are happy. Everyone is smiling and waving to each other on the sidewalk. Passers by are handing out hundred dollar bills to strangers on the street, and Oreo ice cream is falling from the sky.
OK, so I'm exaggerating... but it totally feels that way. Wouldn't that be absolutely FANTASTIC??? :) The husband offered today to switch around responsibilities so I could have a few hours on my own, at my favorite coffee shop and type away to my hearts content. When I get back he'll be taking his turn to do his thing. He's the greatest... I think he actually has archangel wings growing out of his shoulder blades today, which subsequently explains the weird ring of light around his cranium.
Although so far today is not entirely perfect. If it were a perfect day I would be able to write online. Strolling into my favorite monster corporation coffee shop I came prepared with laptop messenger bag in hand ready to drink my coffee and get a few blog posts completed. Waiting in line, I order my latte, and proceed to unpack everything and set up. No wireless connection. Hmmm.... I'm still patient at this point, because it's a great day, and well... YAY! So, I try again... "connection failed!" This is where I start to get perturbed. Having already put a second mortgage on my house to pay for my latte, now I'm sort of committed to this place. I try again, "Can not get connection to network." I've frigging unpacked and everything. I can't just simply remove myself and roam around like a gypsy through the town looking for a Wi-Fi spot that works... I don't have much time to begin with. AAARGGGGHHHHH! My wireless was working fine at home five seconds before coming here... it's not my computer. I know this because I already checked the Wi-Fi card diagnostics, and the software in the machine. Both are working fine. I log out, and log back in - nothing changes. I reboot, and still nothing changes. I think I'm actually starting to snarl out loud.
Immediately the voices start:
"Should I have checked wireless connectivity before paying for the coffee?"
"Maybe I should have gone to that other lesser known, local coffee shop? They wouldn't have a problem with Wi-Fi!"
"That's what you get for feeling good today, now the Wi-Fi is going to smear code brown onto your rainbow."
So, I just deal with the no internet thing - totally frustrated that I can't work online - and decide to work locally on my machine. My great day was suddenly turned around to turd, and to top it all off I appear to be suffering from allergies now. I'm incessantly sniffing as I click on the keyboard, and I'm not willing to get up and get a napkin to wipe my nose in fear of leaving my accoutrement behind. Adding insult to injury my coffee is three quarters consumed, and now I'm feeling the pangs of my bladder suggesting I need to pee. Rat farts. What the hell do you do when you're at a coffee shop, everything all sprawled out, and you have to pee? Do you entrust the strange socially awkward mid-thirties man next to you to watch your expensive laptop and couture purse? What is the appropriate protocol here? I'm still OK on the span of time frame where my bladder will not angrily revolt and embarrass me in a pissing stain nightmare. Although this decision would be considerably easier if I didn't have a kidney infection right now. No way am I leaving my stuff here with the socially awkward strangers... so now I'm left with the only last option. Pack up your things and go. Pray that your space is still empty when you get back, and BOOK IT to the bathroom. Bladder is in full revolt now... Frigging kidney infection!!!
I just wanted free internet, and coffee.
Apparently that's too much to ask for.
Wi-Fi sucks hut bole.
Today is ca-ca.
Thanks for defecating on my happy shiny rainbow, corporate coffee shop.