Soul Sucka Lollipop

Are you feeling like the grass is always greener on the other side lately?

Do you find yourself constantly making statements like, "I would sell my soul if I could just get a full nights sleep."

Does your boss suck and your convinced working for Satan would actually be
better than anything you are tolerating right now?

Searching for an alternative to Ebola?

Look no further!

Introducing, "SOUL SUCKA" Lollipop!
Mmmm... Hell never tasted so good!

After just one lick you start to feel your problems gently melt away.

After two licks you will forget you even had problems in the first
place... and after consuming just one lollipop - you will actually go to hell.

Since you're selling your soul there is no need to worry about those annoying things like silly little morals, responsibilities, and good conscience. With Soul sucka lollipop you can take your very existence away in just one pop!

Soul Sucka lollipop is not just limited to Tom Dick and Jane... it's also
available in jumbo size for those corporations looking for that perfect gift that says it all!!

Are you tired of the same old corporate hiring gifts of the past? No more worrying over whether the gifts budget will cover that bottle of expensive wine or champagne for the new VP of Operations... just one Soul Sucka will be all that you need to send the message, "Welcome to Hell!".

Try out one of our packages today!
* The Hell In a Hand Basket package for $66.60, for when saying "Go to Hell" just isn't enough.
This package includes 6 rows of 6 regular sized lollipops and comes
wrapped in vermilion cellophane to give it that extra special touch.

The Hell Yeah! package for $6.66, for when you want to go to hell with gusto!
This package includes one jumbo sized pop, smothered in cayenne pepper and wrapped in red paper - because sometimes you want to feel the burn immediately and you're just too impatient to unwrap the cellophane.

Check out our other packages online... you won't be dissapointed. Because, Hey! You have no conscience!!!


As with any other mind altering supplements, please check with your physician before taking Soul Sucka. There are no guarantees that you will actually go to hell, you may actually just feel weird or deranged for a while. If for any reason you feel dissatisfied with the product, please call: 1-666-GOTOHELL and one of our customer service representatives will tell you to go to hell with someone else.

Possible side effects include (but are not limited to): hallucinations, nausea, vertigo, vomiting black tar, growth
of horns at temples, hoarse throat, sunken jaundiced eyes, spontaneous uncontrollable pyrokinesis, feeling of being undead, developing hooves, loss of heartbeat and breathing fire.


  1. Dear Malapropos Freak,
    I don't have a soul. Can I still order some pops?

    Which package would you prefer?
    The "Welcome to Hell" package?

    The more you order the higher your status in hell will be. Call 1-800-GOTO-HLL to order right away!